Lo:
Ok, so Dr. Beck insists that the majority of people who reach lasting weight loss, do so by constantly reminding themselves of the reasons why weight loss is so important. Being able to recite these advantages at the most challenging of weight-loss times can make the difference between making a healthy… or not so healthy food choice. So here is my advantages list, somewhat in order…but ALL important things to me.
1. I’ll feel more in control
2. I’ll be able to wear more stylish clothes
3. I’ll look better
4. I’ll be more attractive to others
5. I’ll be able to wear a smaller size
6. I’ll get joy at shopping for clothes
7. I won’t feel so self-conscious
8. I will be able to sit comfortably in any seat
9. I’ll have more energy
10. I’ll feel better physically
11. I’ll be more physically fit
12. I’ll have more confidence
13. I’ll increase my self esteem
14. I will have more respect from students
15. I will be more excited about life
16. I’ll feel more outgoing
17. I’ll do more things
18. I’ll like myself more
19. I’ll live longer
20. I’ll be in better health
21. I’ll be happier when I look in the mirror
22. I will be able to cross my legs

Kate:

I’ve had a hard time with men lately.

My mother encouraged me to sign up with eHarmony.  I’d used it about five years ago with no result, but I decided to give it another try.  My biggest complaint with the site is its find-your-spouse slant.  I don’t think it’s healthy to go on a first date with an eye towards “Is this going to last forever?” because you’re putting too much pressure on yourself and your date.  Some of my friends think that I’m trying to find The One, but the truth is that I’m just trying to find someone to have a second date with.

I’ve done some internet dating over the years.  Mostly it happens every 18 months or so when I get frustrated with being single.  Then I go on dates, get frustrated with the guys I meet, and vow to never do it again.  I’ve been on 5 first dates and 0 second dates.  It sucks.

As a chunky girl, I worry about how my dates are going to react to my size, even if they’ve seen my picture.  I know there are men out there who like girls shaped like me, but then I get creeped out by the idea that they’re only dating me because I have wide hips and an extra-large chest.  I know all women have to worry about a guy only liking them for their looks, but I also have to worry about a guy liking me for the looks I hate the most.  I’m losing weight, so are they still going to be interested once I’ve gotten slimmer?

I went on a date a week and a half ago with a guy I thought was very cute.  I initiated the contact on eHarmony, which was a big step because normally I’d wait until some guy contacted me.  That way I could be sure they were really interested.  Anyway, we went out after way too much finagling and a last minute arrangement.  I thought the date went well.  He gave me a hug at the end and said we should talk online or over the phone.  He was going out of town, so I wasn’t worried about hearing from him right away.  Well, I still haven’t heard from him.

Why can’t people just say they’re not interested?  It’s so much easier because then I’m not sitting around wondering if I’m being unreasonable.  I keep thinking, “Maybe he’s just busy and I should give him time.”  With eHarmony he didn’t even need to respond personally.  He would have been mildly less of a jackass if he had just given me one of the site’s generic kiss-offs.  So, I told him so long.  It’s done.

And it was fine because there was another guy interested, more interested than the first.  This one pursued me.  We emailed about setting up a date this weekend.  The emailing started on Friday, which I wasn’t crazy about since my mother always told me that if you don’t have weekend plans with a guy by Wednesday that you shouldn’t make any.  Sure, it’s kind of like playing games, but it makes sense not to be too available in the beginning.  He didn’t respond at all on Saturday, and when I emailed to say, “You must be busy.  Maybe sometime later”, he suggested Monday night.  I said, “Okay.”  And yet again I haven’t heard from him.

Men.  I just don’t get them.  Maybe I think too much like a girl.  I never thought guys were very hard to figure out, but now I’m beginning to rethink that.

My eHarmony membership expires soon, and I think I’m going to let it go.  My second date will come along, and I really hope it doesn’t happen over the internet.

Kate:

Kirsten of the CLM told me I didn’t need to see the nutritionist because I seemed to have enough knowledge.  Thank God because if I had to listen to another talk about portion control, I would have taken some folks out!  However, Kirsten did suggest seeing the CLM’s psychologist, Katie.

I was skeptical.  A few years ago I’d tried seeing a psychologist because I thought I had a binge eating disorder.  It did not go well.  She told me I shouldn’t use words like “good” and “bad” to describe food and decisions about food and exercise.

Katie lets me use my own vocabulary.  This works so much better.  I see her once a week and talk about how my weight loss is going, challenges I face, how I worry that I’ll gain all the weight back and lose weight permanently, etc.  I tend to beat myself up for little indiscretions even if I’m losing weight overall, but Katie helps me see how damaging that is.

Between Katie and Kirsten, it’s nice to have cheerleaders.  Objective cheerleaders, I should say, because my parents and friends would say all the right things, but I have a hard time believing them because they love me.  The other thing the CLM gives me is accountability.  When I lost weight without any help, no one was around to see if I slipped up.  These ladies will see and they will help me out without judgment.

Kate:

Northwestern Memorial’s Center for Lifestyle Medicine (CLM) is comprised of a physician, a nurse practitioner, a nutritionist, and a psychologist.

When I made my first appointment, I was scheduled to see the nurse practitioner, Kirsten.  We chatted a little about my history of obesity and previous attempts to lose weight.  She asked me what I was doing this time around, weighed me, and did a short physical exam.

I told Kirsten I was not interested in gastric bypass or Lap Band or any surgical options.  I know that those are not easy things to do, but part of me feels like it’s a short cut.  While CLM does offer those options as well as weight-loss medication, Kirsten fully supported my decision to do it on my own.

Kirsten told me that the CLM advocates meal replacement.  This is not for every meal, but substituting a Luna bar or SlimFast shake or Lean Pocket for a meal would help control calorie intake.  She gave me a list of foods and told me to add as many fruit and vegetables or a salad to whatever meal I was replacing.  If you’ve ever had a Lean Cuisine, you know there’s not a lot of food there for a chunky girl!

The most important things when looking for meal replacements are 10 grams or more of protein, between 220-400 calories, 4 grams or less of saturated fat, less than 500-750 mg of sodium, and at least 3-5 grams of fiber.

Some of my faves:  Lean Pockets Philly Steak and Cheese and Chicken, Broccoli, Cheddar; Target brand Slim Fast shakes in Chocolate Royale; Luna Bars Nutz Over Chocolate, S’mores, and Caramel Nut Brownie.

Lo:

What is it about weddings that makes you want to change things?

It makes me want to be better, lose weight, find a good guy, and just enjoy life a bit more! I can’t say I particularly love weddings, but I have become something of a pro at them. I have been a bridesmaid in six weddings, and have felt like a  lump of sausage poured into a bridesmaid’s dress in each and every one.  I attended a wedding today, for one of my good friend’s from high school, and I think it was the first wedding I really felt good about myself. I have finally found a place in my life where I finally don’t feel awkward in my own skin. It is strange because I am certainly not any thinner or better looking than I was in the first six weddings.  I plan to use this “feel-good” attitude to help propel me through my weight-loss. Really, if you can’t like yourself enough to want to treat yourself well and do nice things for yourself, you won’t make it far. When I like myself, I want to take my vitamin, and drink water, and even go for a walk…because I  believe I deserve it.  Weightloss requires you to actually care about yourself, and learn to forgive yourself for the inevitable mistakes that happen. Forgive yourself for getting to the place where you are, and forgive yourself any subsequent “mistakes”, because they will add up and create a level of self-disappointment that cannot be surpassed. While it is easier said than done, I do think it is worth striving for. Learn to let go, and treat yourself well

Goals/ Update:

I ate a healthy breakfast 5/7 days last week. (Better than 0/7!)

I have started reading Beck Diet Solution, and I am hoping to finish it in the next two weeks.

New Habit

This week I am going to start waking up a bit earlier (about 6:00 instead of 6:30), so I can walk my dogs a bit longer in the morning, and be less rushed.

Kate:

I’ve read a LOT of books about weight loss, but it all comes down to the same basic idea: eat less, move more.  Thank you, Oprah.

My approach to losing weight this time is to keep track of my daily intake with a food journal.  (I use about.com’s Calorie Count which has a link to the right.)  I try to stick to somewhere between 1400-1700 calories a day, but more importantly, Calorie Count gives you a grade.  Sure, I could eat a filling salad for lunch then consume the rest of my calories in ice cream, but I’m also trying to be healthy, not just lose weight.

Calorie Count also has message boards and daily articles about healthy eating.  I have yet to form an online community since I have plenty of personal support at the Center for Lifestyle Medicine, but I know people on there have benefited greatly from their online friends.

The other component to productive weight loss is “move more”.  I knew I would need to take it slow or I’d never stick with it.  There are no morbidly obese people who love hitting the gym every day, I promise.  So, I got a couple of friends to agree to walk with me.  One friend and I would walk every Tuesday for about 90 minutes.  It went by very quickly because we would just chat the whole time.  My goal was not to walk to the point of breathlessness, I just needed to get out and be active.

My Tuesday night friend got buried in schoolwork, so I decided to take my activity to the next level.  I’ve been a gym member for 4 years, so I decided to go more regularly.  I enjoy the elliptical machine because I feel like I burn a lot of calories without as much effort.  I don’t even have to pick up my feet!

In addition, I try to add more mileage to my day.  I take the El rather than the bus because it means I have to walk more and climb steps.  I’ll walk to the library rather than drive.  I just try to find little ways to get in the exercise.  It’s not as overwhelming.

gertie:

Frankly, its been a week. One of those weeks.

After two weeks of pretty good eating and really good exercising, I have definitely snagged and now I’m stuck, starving and exhausted.

A scheduling change at work means I’m waking up SUPER early and dragging ass for the rest of the day. And frankly, when I’m tired everything else goes out the window. I turn into FrankenBitch and manage to stress over anything and everything.

Here are my goals to survive the last half of this awful week:

- Instead of just stressing about money, I’m going to take steps to actually put myself in control like eliminating extraneous expenses and selling off things I no longer need like old textbooks. It won’t make my debts go away, but maybe it’ll make me a little less despondent about them.

- Focus on eating 3 meals on a somewhat regular schedule for the next couple days. Normally, I’m not the biggest proponent of the traditional Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner set-up because my body is often sending me different signals.  BUT, sticking to that for a couple of days should give me enough structure to get past my desire to just stress-eat 24/7.

- Drink more. I know, i know, empty calories, alcohol is bad, blah, blah, blah BUT a drink or two with friends goes a long way to making me more human. I need that!

No Olympics For Chicago

Gertie Stein:

So, after a gazillion years of posters, commercials, debates, and speeches by the likes of Mayor Daley, President Obama, and Her Highness Oprah Winfrey, it was formally announced last Friday that the 2016 summer Olympics are headed to…..Rio.

Chicago was a little bamboozled by this news. I think everyone was so caught up in the debate as to whether the city should be spending all that money on the games, they never stopped to take into consideration that the Olympic committee might not think we’re as much hot shit as we think we are!

I was sort of down the middle on the issue…my opinions changing as often as my taste in men. On Monday the Olympics were swarthy, brave and ready to sweep me off my feet, but by Tuesday they were more like the greasy bad boy who looked vaguely attractive until the ugly lights came on.

As someone who is daily trying to motivate myself to exercise, though, I have to say I will miss the posters and banners lining Lake Shore Drive. Those rainbow colored sprinters and swimmers were supposed to make me feel patriotic, I suppose, but they often made me feel laaaaaazy and, subsequently, eager to get off my butt.

sigh.

Chicago 2016 Poster

Kate:

I wore my “little” black dress to a theater opening in June.  I looked great!  Two weeks ago and 15 pounds lighter I tried it on again.  When I looked in the mirror, I saw curves like Joan Holloway on Mad Men.  I love that dress.

Lo:

So, ok hi.

I’m Lo.  I, like Gertie and Kate, have spent my life struggling with weight. To give you a little insight into my daily life, I teach English to darling middle school students. If for no other reason, I want to lose weight so I don’t have to worry about knocking any more kids in the head with my butt cheek while I am walking down the aisles of my classroom. Teaching is a very exhausting profession, but I know in my heart that I could do a better job, and have more energy to keep up with my students if I reached a healthier weight.

The weight rollercoaster in my life has reached absurd proportions…and more than anything I just want to get to a relatively healthy place, and stop this yo yo madness. I reached a moment in the last 6 months or so, that I was so disheartened from my most recent weight gain that I wanted to give up trying. This wasn’t I feeling I had felt before…hopelessness.

Let me start from the beginning.

The first time I can remember being conscious of my weight in 2^nd grade…which is weird because I can remember almost nothing from that year. I do remember my weight, though. We were getting weighed in class (god… I hope they don’t still do that), andwas the kid in front of me weighed 69 lbs.  The teacher made a comment to him about “you are so tall, that is why you weigh so much,” and then I stood on the scale weighing in at 70lbs. The teacher didn’t say a word to me, and I convinced myself that I was a chunk. By the time I was in 5^th grade I was 130lbs (while telling people I was 105 lbs). By 8^th grade, I was in the 180s, and into high school I settled around the 230 lb mark. I should note that I am about 5’11”, and at the time I was convinced that I should weigh 120 lbs like all my friends.

Around junior year, my real obsession with weight and food set in. I think this is when I realized if I ate very little, I could lose weight very quickly. Within 6 months, I lost about 60 lbs and predictably gained it back within the next year.

This pattern repeated itself several times over in the next seven years, and now I am around 280lbs.

For a long time, I have sought a quick & easy weight-loss solution.  Unfortunately , the quick solution has led me to the place that I am now, and I have finally accepted that if I truly want to lead a healthy life and lose weight permanently, I must take it slow and seek a new path. I want to begin to develop healthy habits in my life that will lead to a healthier me. I am 25 years old, and if it takes me 20 years to get to my goal weight, at least I will be heading in the right direction.

My to-dos:

Read Judith Beck’s book Beck Diet Solution (a book on cognitive therapy for weight loss)

New habits I am working on:

Eat a healthy breakfast every day

Start journaling food intake

Long-term goal

Weigh what I have had printed on my driver’s license for the past six years:)