Kate:

I’ve had a hard time with men lately.

My mother encouraged me to sign up with eHarmony.  I’d used it about five years ago with no result, but I decided to give it another try.  My biggest complaint with the site is its find-your-spouse slant.  I don’t think it’s healthy to go on a first date with an eye towards “Is this going to last forever?” because you’re putting too much pressure on yourself and your date.  Some of my friends think that I’m trying to find The One, but the truth is that I’m just trying to find someone to have a second date with.

I’ve done some internet dating over the years.  Mostly it happens every 18 months or so when I get frustrated with being single.  Then I go on dates, get frustrated with the guys I meet, and vow to never do it again.  I’ve been on 5 first dates and 0 second dates.  It sucks.

As a chunky girl, I worry about how my dates are going to react to my size, even if they’ve seen my picture.  I know there are men out there who like girls shaped like me, but then I get creeped out by the idea that they’re only dating me because I have wide hips and an extra-large chest.  I know all women have to worry about a guy only liking them for their looks, but I also have to worry about a guy liking me for the looks I hate the most.  I’m losing weight, so are they still going to be interested once I’ve gotten slimmer?

I went on a date a week and a half ago with a guy I thought was very cute.  I initiated the contact on eHarmony, which was a big step because normally I’d wait until some guy contacted me.  That way I could be sure they were really interested.  Anyway, we went out after way too much finagling and a last minute arrangement.  I thought the date went well.  He gave me a hug at the end and said we should talk online or over the phone.  He was going out of town, so I wasn’t worried about hearing from him right away.  Well, I still haven’t heard from him.

Why can’t people just say they’re not interested?  It’s so much easier because then I’m not sitting around wondering if I’m being unreasonable.  I keep thinking, “Maybe he’s just busy and I should give him time.”  With eHarmony he didn’t even need to respond personally.  He would have been mildly less of a jackass if he had just given me one of the site’s generic kiss-offs.  So, I told him so long.  It’s done.

And it was fine because there was another guy interested, more interested than the first.  This one pursued me.  We emailed about setting up a date this weekend.  The emailing started on Friday, which I wasn’t crazy about since my mother always told me that if you don’t have weekend plans with a guy by Wednesday that you shouldn’t make any.  Sure, it’s kind of like playing games, but it makes sense not to be too available in the beginning.  He didn’t respond at all on Saturday, and when I emailed to say, “You must be busy.  Maybe sometime later”, he suggested Monday night.  I said, “Okay.”  And yet again I haven’t heard from him.

Men.  I just don’t get them.  Maybe I think too much like a girl.  I never thought guys were very hard to figure out, but now I’m beginning to rethink that.

My eHarmony membership expires soon, and I think I’m going to let it go.  My second date will come along, and I really hope it doesn’t happen over the internet.