Kate:

Last night I was craving mashed potatoes.  Well, I was craving almost anything that came into my mind, but mashed potatoes were one thing I could do something about.

I’d heard about substituting mashed cauliflower for half a portion of mashed potatoes (probably on The Biggest Loser), and it’s really tasty.  Okay, I’ve never combined the potatoes and cauliflower, I just stick to the vegetables, but man is it yummy.  Some margarine, salt, pepper mashed into some boiled cauliflower, and I was set.

I ate the entire head of cauliflower.  I didn’t mean to.  I intended to save half for dinner tonight or tomorrow, but it just didn’t happen.  You can’t really feel guilty for over-eating your vegetables.

And admit it, you kinda want to try it with the purple cauliflower.

Kate:

Okay, we’ve been slacking on this blog.  Apologies to anyone who reads this regularly!  The reason I haven’t been posting is because I didn’t want to take up the blog with continual postings on falling off the wagon.  Who needs all those “Woe is me” posts?  I don’t like writing them and I’m sure no one wants to read them.  I promise to write more often!

So, I’ve started to get things back on track, and I feel great.  What prompted this post was the fantastic weather a few days ago.  It was close to 80 degrees here in Chicago, and it’s been awhile since we’ve had such a beautiful day where I felt like getting out for a walk.  If you’ve ever been to Chicago, or seen a weather map for that matter, you know that it’s pretty miserable here in the winter.  When it snows, the sidewalks shrink to icy one-lane paths.  Wind chill is so bad that you don’t want to travel more than absolutely necessary.  So, my walks took a back seat to hibernation.

I left my apartment (okay, dragged myself out of the apartment since I made the mistake of checking my email when I came home from work, and that lead to other internet surfing) and headed south.  I walked for a mile and a quarter then turned around and came back.  It took me about an hour to complete the round-trip.  I walk with purpose, but I’m not trying to win a race.  I usually go for length of walk rather than speed.

I read this MSN article yesterday that lets me know my way is okay:

Endurance training (about an hour at a moderate intensity) has been shown to keep your calorie burn revved for up to 7½ hours post-exercise. Long walks will help maximize results because there is a dose response to exercise; that is, the more you do, the greater the benefits you’ll receive. These will likely be the slowest walks you do in the program.

Yesterday I walked again, this time setting out from work and walking towards home.  I walked about 2.6 miles before taking the bus.  I wasn’t wearing the best shoes and didn’t want to get nasty blisters that would prevent me from walking more often.  My goal is to eventually walk all the way home from work.  That’s 7.28 miles, and should take me about 2 and a half hours.  I’ll work up to that!

Want to track the miles of your walk?  I love Google’s pedometer.

Kate:

I read this article in the New York Times today.  It talks about the prejudice that obese and overweight people face in today’s society. Ridiculing fat people has become accepted discrimination.

The article reminded me of an experience I had in 5th grade.  The school nurse called a total of about five students from the 5th grade to take part in a discussion about nutrition in her office.  So, all of the fat students were called out of their classrooms, me included, to talk about portion control and healthy eating.  The parents were unaware of any of this activity.  Now, I have no problem learning about nutrition, but don’t you think those lessons could benefit every student?

Kate:

Okay, so I was watching Oprah again.  (Sometimes it’s hard to admit that because she can be a bit ridiculous.)  However, I was interested in hearing what Michael Pollan had to say.  Oprah had seen Food, Inc. and was talking about how we need to think about what happens to our food before it gets to our tables.

I’ve had The Omnivore’s Dilemma for a few months and have known about it for a few years, though I still haven’t gotten around to reading it.  Now I’ve put it at the top of my to-read pile.  I have, for the last six years or so, eaten more consciously.  It started when I moved to Chicago and a friend made some soup from scratch.  Stupidly, I didn’t realize that it was so easy to make soup.  In my family, we had always eaten canned soup.  These days I eat more homemade foods than ever before in my life.  All of my baked goods are from scratch, and when I eat boxed cake or cookies from a roll at a friend’s house, it just doesn’t taste as good.  Making cookies from scratch is not that hard, and the flavor wins out every time.  And don’t get me started on my love for farmers’ markets!

Now I’m thinking of taking my meat consumption a little more seriously.  I don’t eat a lot of meat at home since it requires a lot of forethought in meal planning.  Thawing takes time!  However, I’m going to start eating antibiotic free meats and milk.  Because of the minimal role meat plays in my diet, I don’t think the increase in expense is going to cripple me.

Another part of Oprah’s program was spent talking to Alicia Silverstone about her new book, The Kind Diet, in which she writes about her vegan lifestyle.  A friend of mine is vegan, and I cannot fathom living like that, but I don’t think being primarily vegetarian is out of the realm of possibility.  I’ll have to get her book from the library and peruse it.  It apparently doesn’t exclusively advocate veganism, just eating better.

As I’ve said before, I’m not on a diet.  This is a permanent change.  I think it would be irresponsible of me not to explore how the way my food is raised affects my body when I consume it.

Kate:

My philosophy about complaining is that you can’t complain about something if it’s something you can try to change but you’re not doing anything.  I’m not sure if I’m being a hypocrite here, because I do have my moments of trying.

About 10 days before my period starts, I go nuts!  I binge like crazy.  I don’t/can’t control it.  In the past 24-hours, here’s what I’ve eaten (because I didn’t stop myself from going to the grocery store to stock up on junk food):
11 oatmeal creme pies
3 chocolate eclairs
1 small block of cheddar cheese
8 wedges of light Laughing Cow cheese
2 sleeves Club crackers
1 pint chocolate hazelnut gelato
2 pieces strawberry shortcake

I’m pretty sure I’m insane.  I need to get control of myself.  I’m going to the gym after I finish this post, and after that I’m going to try to get my healthy eating back on line.  The thing is, this bingeing is just a phase that I get over once my hormones are on track.  However, this throws off my weight loss for the entire month!  Perhaps I need to go back to therapy.  I’ll try anything at this point.

Kate:

I feel like I’m finally back on track.  I think my PMS was not helping my willpower at all.  The perfect storm of the holidays, spending time at home, being on this new medication, and struggling against a plateau is over.  Well, I’ve decided that it’s over, anyway.

I’ve gone back to diligently keeping a food journal, and that’s been extremely helpful.  Also, I’ve started using the exercise DVDs I bought along with some of the programs I’ve recorded off FitTV.  It took me a while after getting everything together (DVDs, dumbbells, exercise mat) to really get going because I kept coming up with reasons I couldn’t start.  I didn’t think there was enough room in my living room without moving furniture and that seemed insurmountable when I was dealing with a lack of motivation.

So, now I’ve gotten my weight down to 312, and it feels good to be losing weight again.  I’ve made an appointment with Kirsten at CLM for next week, and I’m hoping she’ll be able to give me a little self-esteem boost along with some tips on how to keep going.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that losing weight is going to work this time, especially for those of us who have tried and failed every other time.   We just have to keep with it; I know it will work.

Kate:

I’m having a serious problem.  I’m going to be honest here: I weighed myself this morning and it said 317 lbs.  That’s about 18 lbs. higher than my lowest weight this time around.  I want to cry.

Something is so wrong with me, and I don’t know how to fix it.  Every day I start out with healthy food choices and an exercise plan.  By the end of the day I’ve completely blown it all.  Even if I stick to my gym plans, I feel ravenous after and don’t stop myself from eating whatever I want.  That is my chief problem.

I don’t stop myself.

Where did I lose my restraint over the last few months???  I’m tempted to blame it on some medication I started taking in October, but part of me thinks I’m just searching for an excuse.  Deep down I’m sure it’s just my own fault.  I’m being lazy; I’m losing sight of my goals; I’m forgetting my motivation.

I make good choices.  I don’t put anything in my kitchen that isn’t healthy (in moderation). I’ve been getting out of the house more.  I’ve started going back to the gym (though not as frequently as I should). But,

I don’t stop myself.

So, here’s where I take a stand.  One day at a time so I don’t get overwhelmed.

Tomorrow I will stick to 1400-1600 calories.  I will properly keep track of all the foods I eat.  I will go to the gym and do the elliptical for 45 minutes and do weights on my arms.  If I’m feeling good, I’ll hop on the rowing machine or stair stepper.  I will call and make an appointment with Kirsten at CLM.

I will stop myself.

Kate:

I just printed off 5 more sheets of my weight loss calendar.  Each sheet is six weeks, so that brings me to the beginning of August.  It’s kind of weird to think that far ahead, and it’s dangerous to dream about how much more weight I’ll have lost.  Dangerous because I’ll be disappointed (even though I should be happy with any weight loss) if I don’t make the number in my head.

When I first started keeping the calendar, I set a goal for a loss of 6 pounds every 3 weeks.  That worked out well in the beginning, but things are slowing down, and I don’t want my calendar to be a deterrent.  So, I’ve modified it so my goal is 4.5 pounds every three weeks.  That’s 1.5 pounds a week.  I think that’s far more attainable for me, even if the numbers don’t look as pretty or as high.

My calendar is posted on the side of my refrigerator, and I update it at least every Saturday (my weigh-in day).  I have issues with my scale mostly because all of the floors in my apartment are uneven.  Hey, it has character!  I never know the exact right spot to get the lowest number.  Regardless, my scale is never far off from the one at CLM.

Anyway, here’s a template of my calendar if you’d like to use it.

Weight loss

Kate:

Last summer I signed up as a control subject in a medical study to make a little extra money.  I’ve done two tests for them, and it’s been pretty simple.  Now they’re asking if I want to do a study next month that’s a little more involved, but it pays a lot more.

The catch is that I can’t lose weight between now and then.  Weight loss or gain would affect their test results.  When they called in November to see if I’d be interested, I’d lost too much weight in the previous two months.  The woman asked if I wanted her to call me after the new year to see if my weight had leveled off.  I told her she could but that I hoped I would keep losing weight.  I don’t think she fully comprehended that my weight loss was a good thing.  I guess she’d rather have study subjects.

Two months later, and my weight loss has leveled off.  However, I feel a renewed commitment to my weight loss goals, and I need to take that into account.  Do I want to maintain for about 3 weeks and potentially lose the momentum or do I want to fatten my bank account?  It’s a tough decision, but I’m really leaning toward embracing my newfound energy and turning down the study.  As my friend said, I better lose enough weight to make it worth giving up the money!

Kate:

Whew, the holidays are over.  Things did not go well, but I’m excited to get back on track.  I’ve been lax about keeping track of my foods, so that’s where I’m going to begin.  Plus, I’ve spent almost three weeks at my parents’ house, so when I get back to Chicago this week, it’ll be good to have complete control over what food is available in my kitchen.

New Year’s is a tough time of year because it’s a time of reflection.  It doesn’t help that my birthday is right before New Year’s.  That’s a whole lot of reflection.  I always think about the things I want to achieve for my next birthday followed by more thoughts about what I want to happen in the following year.  That’s a lot of pressure.

I’m trying to take it easy this year and make no resolutions.  I want to keep doing what I’ve been doing, that’s all.  Guilt doesn’t work for me.  I feel guilty a lot, so it doesn’t help to heap more on myself.  I know I’d feel guilty if I made resolutions and then didn’t follow through.  Besides, I made my resolution back in May when I decided to improve my health, and that’s coming along pretty nicely overall.  I’ll just stick with that one.